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I was born in the month of June 2007 in the province of Manitoba, Canada. It was fascinating to see this world around me after coming from the security and safety of my Mother’s womb. As I peered around even before getting up I notice others like me. Wobbly on our legs but yet so spirited in our hearts, it would not be long before we were standing by our Mother's side nursing for our very first time. We played, kicked and ran circles around our Mom’s who would from time to time say enough is enough and with their firm language keep us close to their sides in quietness. This was always a good opportunity for some more nourishment and without choice what would often befall, was a nice siesta and then once again with our energy regenerated, we would do it all over again.
 In my first days I came to know what is called a human. Sometimes they would come in our space, check us over and if one was in the way, we’d get a heavy shove on the rump. Why wouldn’t they play with us? Sometimes their voices would be really gruff, not at all friendly like I would have hoped but these occasions were far and few between. Most days were filled with lots of play time and enjoying this wonderful place we had come to.
Then one day many of these people came into our field. All of my friends and I tried to run as far away as we could from them but were not able to escape their tactics to push us all into a small confined area. With fear, many of us babies cried for our Mom’s. Where were they when we needed them most? I was only four months old and I didn’t want to be without my Mom. I soon felt the pressure of my friends pushing against me and having no choice but to move forward I found myself in a place that was very small and tight. There was no room to move around and all us babies were left to stand side by side when we suddenly felt the energy of movement beneath us. We called for our Mom’s as they did to us but soon we unknowingly heard them for the last time…except in our dreams.
This new space we are being pushed into is not nice. We have fences around us and no longer have the lush green grasses of the fields we were raised in to play. I craved some of my Mom’s warm milk but none was ever to be offered again. Our days turned into just this...just days where time would pass. We were given lots of food but no place to burn it off. In fact most of us started to get pretty chubby looking but this is what happens when horses are put on feed lots. Why did these people want us here?
After what seemed a lifetime, once again we were loaded up and taken away. So much noise in this new place. One by one we were separated from our own little herd. I started sensing that something was terribly wrong here and then came to understand we were now going to be taken away forever. From each other and for many of us more was about to be taken away…and this was our lives.
During this time some people would come through and look at us. Why were we so captivating to them? Once again I was separated from my herd but lucky for me my friend was able to come along. The person who took us away did not exhibit this unnatural aggressiveness we had already experienced from other people and even spoke with a soft voice. I found this comforting and so did my friend. We stayed close together and were not separated again, well, at least not for awhile.
Then on a cold day in January 2008 I was put on a truck and once again could feel this familiar movement beneath me. I called endlessly for my friend as he called for me but inevitably our voices were lost in the wind. I felt very alone this time but comforted by the fact I had others of my kind close beside me.
Finally after about four days in this traveling stall the doors were opened and I was invited out. The voices from these people were soft and kind. With little resistance I followed one of my new herd mates and we were soon introduced to some other young horses. They were really friendly! I wasn’t used to such happy mates but adjusted to this easily. The people then started calling me Fatty Patty which was to become my new name .
 On a warm spring day in March, only two months after joining this new group my caretaker came at her usual time to feed us lunch. We had been bad little horses and had broken into the barn. (Most often you will hear of horses breaking out of barns but not us, we break into them as we live outdoors 24/7 and only come in for snacks!). We were not really in trouble, in fact these people laughed at us. We were all happy to run into our designated stalls knowing our tasty horsey “kibbles and bits” were on the way. Not only did the kibbles and bits arrive in good timing to me but so did this girl with a soft voice. She quietly put my food into my bucket and welcomed me to eat from it. Well, this was new. I wasn’t sure about having this person so close to me but she gave me some pretty tasty treats so she couldn’t be all that bad. But then she started to touch me. My hind end came up in fear and I braced myself. Was she going to hurt me? Her touch was so gentle but I was not used of being touched by a person, except for when I was being pushed around and sometimes this hurt me. She wasn’t about to give up though which caused me some concern. I finished my food and there we were together, her attention solely on me and mine on hers. When she moved slowly over to the left side of my body I became very confused…I had to run away but there was no place to run, just in circles in this little stall. So I ran small circles until I tired and then stopped. I could not comprehend her energy on this side of my body. While cocking my head to the left so I could see her through me right eye I tried to process what was going on. Her body slowly moved towards me with her hand reaching close to my side. I could smell a soft scent on her which comforted me. The voice stayed firm and soft and in just minutes she was touching me lightly on my left shoulder but this seemed to be okay now. She moved away and came back in slowly once again. I heard her whisper a new name to me and it was Angel. I somehow felt safe and at ease with her and even fell into a light sleep.
The next day the girl is back again. I remembered her and was feeling almost happy to see her. Shortly thereafter another person came in to see me. This new energy was different but still very soft. I began to feel apprehensive when he came inside my stall with her, I feared I might be harmed by this new person but soon I could feel his gentleness. I began to invite his touch and like the day before, we went through this exercise where I was finally able to allow him to touch the left side of my body. She stayed with him and together we came to know one another.
Just when I though a good thing was over the next day these two people come back. They managed to separate the other young horses away from me and get me into my stall. They had the tasty treats which was a very good sign. I would be happy to get more of what they gave me the day before. Then suddenly things started to shift inside of me. I felt this soft energy running through me and the scents of natural herbs were in the air. I found this to be very calming. The soft touches and voices from these people only helped to relax me more. I could sense they were trying to put this thing over my head and I really didn’t want to have any part of it. But eventually I gave up and let go of my resistances. The smell of the leather halter was close to me and I was not really bothered at all when it was finally being slipped over my nose and then over my ears. It felt strange but I was so sedated in this feeling you might call peace or tranquility that it really did not matter. I felt safe and realized that not all people were the same. These two were special. They understood me and helped me to finally feel safe in this world since I had been taken away so long ago it seemed, from my Mom.
 This routine went on daily for the next few weeks. I found myself in joy playing with these two people that I have even started to enjoy being around them more than the other members of my herd. They keep my mind busy and are teaching me so many fun things now. One day they had a really nice girl come in and she handled my feet a lot but I felt so much better in my body when she was done. I had been practicing with the girl on how to pick up my feet and hold them steady so getting my first trim was really not a big deal.
The new man in my life, the one with the gentle energy spends so much time with me now. Soap and warm water to clean all the mud off that I roll daily in has become routine and I like it! We have been told when he leads me that we are like two 15 year olds out on their first date together for the very first time! I lean into him because I want to be close and likewise for him. He feeds me treats and I trust that he will keep me safe. It has been pointed out though that I shouldn’t lean so heavily on him so when he is ready to ask me to stop, I politely will but of course will always look for his invitation to snuggle together closely. I might be pint size today but with my breeding being a Clydesdale/Paint/TB cross, I won’t be for long.
 My life is beautiful today. I know they are going to put a saddle on my back one day soon and I am happy for them to do so. In fact, my trust has grown so deeply for these two people I have chosen to give them all of my heart. I know what they have done for me. I know the sad road the others I was raised with traveled; the unlucky ones that did not have the nice coloring and confirmation that I was gifted with at birth. I am a pmu foal born from a pmu mare. I hope so much one day my Mom will be set free from this life she has endured. Not just in raising me from conception but for all the other babies she has had along the way to produce premarin for the pharmaceutical companies. I know I was just a by-product of this horrific industry and it was only by chance that I was found by an Angel then passed onto another Angel who then called me...Her Angel.
Through my young eyes, heart and mind I have learned that I do have a purpose in this world. I did lose my inspiration to live this life after being through so much but I see now that it is possible to overcome challenging times. I have an even greater appreciation than before and I don't take for granted this gift of life I have anymore, like when I was just a little foal. Knowing that I am once again loved shows me that we all have this capacity to love more, whether it be for man or beast.
To my new caretaker: thank you for giving me the chance to fulfill my life that I can share with you and others the many gifts we have so close to us, that we may not recognize in this day. They are there...let me help you find them.
Angel - Standing In The Tracks Of My Ancestors
April 7, 2008
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